Why Compliments Make You Uncomfortable and How to Change That?
Understanding the Psychological and Social Factors Behind Difficulty Accepting Praise
Watan-People often give compliments to bring joy to others with kind and encouraging words. However, if you’re among the many who struggle to accept such remarks without feeling uneasy or uncomfortable, you may wonder why you have this negative reaction.
Why Might Compliments Bother You?
Compliments are among the most common social behaviors, used to express positive appreciation and strengthen relationships. However, some people find it difficult to accept praise, sometimes experiencing conflicting or uncomfortable emotions. This negative reaction is often due to a mix of psychological, social, and cultural factors, including:
1- Vulnerability and Fear of Relationships
Many people tend to ignore or avoid compliments from others. Vulnerability plays a major role in the difficulty of receiving praise. Often, we fear revealing our true selves, flaws and all, to others. Some worry about being placed under the spotlight for this reason alone.
Another common way people respond to compliments is by immediately returning them. This response can feel like a transaction—as if when someone compliments us, we must “repay” them right away to avoid feeling indebted.
2- Low Self-Image and Confidence
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that individuals with low self-esteem struggle to accept compliments and praise.
This is because those who see themselves as unworthy or constantly feel inadequate may find it difficult to believe the positive words spoken about them. If someone holds an internal belief that they are flawed or not good enough, compliments may seem unrealistic or even insincere.
According to the study, compliments can sometimes lead to discomfort, and in some cases, they can intensify negative emotions to the point of affecting personal relationships. A person may suspect the other party is exaggerating or lying, which can weaken trust and create unintended emotional distance.
3- A Different Self-Perception
Another reason compliments may make you uncomfortable is that they don’t align with how you see yourself—a concept known as cognitive dissonance.
For instance, if you don’t perceive yourself as intelligent or competent in your profession, hearing a coworker praise your skills may trigger anxiety. You might question whether you lack self-awareness or whether the other person is misjudging your abilities.
This often explains why people respond to compliments with justifications such as, “I just got lucky this time” or “The task wasn’t as hard as it seemed.” These justifications help ease the anxiety that arises when someone else’s perception of you doesn’t match your own self-image.
4- Anxiety Over Others’ Expectations
People with self-esteem issues often set low expectations for themselves. Therefore, a compliment that suggests they are expected to succeed or excel may cause panic and psychological pressure.
For example, if your boss says, “I chose you for this project because you always meet deadlines,” these words might feel overwhelming rather than reassuring. Similarly, when you realize others respect you, self-doubt can creep in, leading you to fear that it’s only a matter of time before you disappoint them.
5- Humility and Social Awkwardness
For many, simply saying “thank you” in response to a compliment can feel extremely awkward. This is partly because self-promotion, pride, or even strong self-confidence are not always viewed positively.
Psychotherapist Emily Burley explains that educational institutions often emphasize the importance of humility, restraint, and even strict conservatism as a means to gain social acceptance, appreciation, and respect.
She added that many people fear that accepting a compliment might change how others perceive them due to a mistaken belief that gratitude could be misinterpreted as arrogance. This mindset is often more deeply ingrained in women and girls.
Similarly, therapist Dominique Mortier explained that cultural beliefs and values also play a role. In many modern societies, humility is highly valued, and accepting a compliment may be seen as a lack of humility, making it difficult for people to simply say “thank you” when praised.
How Can You Learn to Accept Compliments?
If you want to get better at accepting compliments, start by paying attention to your feelings when you hear praise. Ask yourself:
- Why did I react this way?
- Did I feel uncomfortable and wish the person would stop talking?
- Did I reject the compliment because I don’t want others to think I possess that positive trait?
Once you identify your feelings, try replacing negative thoughts with more balanced ones, such as:
- “What’s the harm in just saying thank you?”
- “Why do I care so much about what others think of me?”
- “What feeling am I trying to avoid by rejecting this compliment?”
- “Why do I feel the need to dismiss praise?”
It’s also important to remember that a compliment reflects the opinion of the person giving it, not necessarily your own. You don’t always have to agree with others, but you can simply accept the compliment without overanalyzing it.
Additionally, struggling to accept praise may stem from social conditioning or upbringing that taught you to downplay your own worth. Since low self-esteem isn’t something that can be changed overnight, seeking professional help from a therapist may be beneficial in understanding the deeper reasons behind this struggle and working through them.
Your difficulty in accepting compliments may be deeply rooted in societal norms, making it a complex issue. Since low self-esteem isn’t something you can just switch off at will, getting professional support can help you address the underlying causes that make accepting compliments challenging.
